Quit Whining and Play Some Football

In response to all the complainers about Utah football running up the score on Saturday against Wyoming...

MOUNTAIN WEST COACHES FEARING UTAH
By Joey Wilson
Doughball Times
Published: Monday, Nov. 12, 2007 12:11 a.m. MST

Utah's dominating 50-0 win over the Wyoming Cowboys this week has the other coaches in the Mountain West Conference in a fury. BYU's coach Bronco Mendenhall had a few words on the matter during the Cougar's weekly press conference.

"Utah's dominating play against Wyoming this weekend was extremely disappointing and concerning. After the Utes got up 43-0, they should have set up a milk n' cookies booth on the 50 yard line and invited the Cowboys over for a treat."

"This Utah team is downright dirty. " said Coach Sonny Lubick from Colorado State. "A friendly obstacle course after the first half would have been much more appropriate than playing the game the way Utah did."

Other coaches had similar feelings. After the win, New Mexico's coach Rocky Long expressed his concerns.

"[This weeks controversy] obviously changes our practice schedule for this weeks upcoming game with Utah. Instead of practicing our short yardage situations, we have been working on how to signal a surrender to Utah. So far, our most effective methods have been yelling 'Kyle! Please don't hurt us!', Owwww that hurts!!!', and 'Ok! Ok! Don't tackle me I'll just lay down!'"

Not only has Utah's pounding of the Cowboys caused an uproar in the conference, but fans have been calling radio stations to express their displeasure with the Utah coach.

"I've seen many a thing in my day," said Sandy resident Kendall Ayres, "but nothing concerns me more than those Utes going down to Provo in two weeks. The forces generated by those Utah hits on defense have no room in college athletics, nor should any child visiting Lavell Edwards Stadium be exposed to such horrific views."

On the other hand, Ute fan Joey Wilson expressed his support of the Utes this week saying "I'd like to thank the Wyoming slow pokes for giving Utah the chance to show some attitude. I can't wait to watch New Mexico and those pathetic punters down south get crushed by the bad boys of college football, them Utah Utes! Run it up Kyle!"

Bronco eventually broke down in tears. "I was so scared watching the Utah game this Saturday that I peed my pants. It's just not fair."